On Girlhood
Francene Olegario

From the hot gossip in the party bathroom to the feeling of regret as you walk alone to your car, the highs and lows of "Girlhood" are felt more intensely as you may think. But please don't get me wrong, "Girlhood" is not at all limited by these somewhat superficial nights out, nor the stereotyped 'catty' behavior. It's difficult to define girlhood, mostly because all females have a unique female experience that would render a universal definition almost useless. But hopefully as I seek to, you may be also able to see what sort of feelings and experiences unite all women under an umbrella of understanding.

Where does it seemingly all begin? Naturally I'd discuss how our childhood as young girls heavily shapes our perspective regarding our role as women in our immediate relationships and greater society. But to be frank, I feel that the flawed notion of "domestic life is for women and work is for men" is one that has already been dissected enough hopefully to the point where you as the reader are aware of the inconsistencies and negative effects this ideology produces. But what is worth noting is that this idea is a corner stone to the current heteronormative binary that exists in our American society. Although this status quo is satisfactory for some women, it fails to recognize others who perhaps do not want to marry or raise a family as well as those women who seek to fully embrace their queer identity, all this without the undermine of gender equality. Because although we as women are allowed to pursue these ambitions, it is implied that these pursuits are exceptions to the status quo, not the status quo itself.

I believe it goes without saying that these feelings of isolation, although not entirely, are attributed to the patriarchy that we live in. We tend to find comfort in other women because we are all too familiar with the feeling of knowing that our capabilities, such as that of bringing life into this world, can be easily used against us. Here in this sacred space of understanding and unity is where we find the highs of girlhood. Despite our systemic disadvantages, this space among women continues to manifest itself into powerful movements and the intimate relationships found within them.

Out of this cruel realization, we as women have collectively sought to become more independent and self-assured. We have learned to give ourselves the love the patriarchy has otherwise refused us. Femininity, where traits such as emotional, gentle, and passive were formerly seen as weak, has persisted under our stubborn refusal to sacrifice these qualities for the sake of upholding their masculine counterparts. Instead, we have utilized them to reinforce that our tendency to turn to emotion is not to be mistaken for weakness, but a strategic and necessary act of love.

Love, in any and all forms, is to be taken seriously. To underestimate its influence is to succumb to the false notion that we can attain anything or anyone through sheer will. Whereas will is concerned solely with the self, love considers all parties and does not discriminate. Love, of course, is not expressed nor felt solely by women, but I believe it would benefit anyone to examine how we as women in our American society have turned prejudices used against us into gestures of affection, affirmation, and love.

Our understanding of sexuality has broadened as we discerned the hypocrisy of how men are encouraged to pursue their sexual desires, but when women attempt to do so it deemed shameful. The terms "slut," "whore," and "cunt," all formerly used against us, can and have been reclaimed to serve as compliments. Expressing ourselves cosmetically has been rightfully restored to be a self-serving act of confidence, rather than one that caters towards the male desire. Furthermore, what lies within our modern realization of sexuality is a spectrum not confined by the restraints of biological sex and appearances. This has served to benefit not only women, but people of all genders. It is in dissolving our understanding of the binary, particularly the heteronormative one that is currently in place, where we as an American society can become more inclusive and centered around love.

In writing this, I do not in any way wish to sound naive, misandrist, or too ambitious in asking for this supposed utopia in which everyone practices love at any given moment. Like always, societal extremes are detrimental and it is important to remember we do not currently live in a state where said extremes are in place. But it is even more important to remember that we are all capable of love. Those sacred places such as the ones we find in girlhood can amount to a system of change and love. It is because of this possibility that I implore women to maintain this space rather than diminish it.